Dueling Dualities

Ever since I can remember, I have loved to travel. I believe that by traveling at a young age with my family, it ignited within me a desire to wander, and ultimately kindled a passion of lifelong learning. Fellow friends that experience wanderlust can understand that there's a complicated relationship involving the duality of feeling comfortable, safe, and settled at home- and the adventure, risk and excitement of travel. Catherine Watson says it best, "But even while I missed home, I don't think I really wanted to go home. And once home again, I didn't want to stay. I used to believe that this push-pull tension would burn itself out, and I would be one-hundred-percent happy in just one place. But that hasn't happened. There are still too many places to go, too many people to meet, too many good stories to hear, and they all tug at my imagination- and my heart. Home and away, I see now, are the yin and yang of travel. Both are part of the same journey."

This supposed duality of Home and Away is something I have struggled with in the past, and am feeling it strongly now. How can one be content at home knowing there is a whole world to explore? How can one truly enjoy traveling while missing the comforts of home? How can these thoughts live in harmony? I don't have all the answers, but I have a notion it involves choosing to be right where you are, and embracing its unique beauty. While I am still experiencing deep emotional growing pains and loneliness, I am also observing that I have begun to appreciate beauty again, and when the sun makes an appearance I can feel my mood lift up to greet it. I'm starting to feel like I'm going to be OK.

Howling Husky Homestead, Dog yard

I didn't come here to escape my emotions or my life in Minnesota, I selected this location as a space for healing- a secluded and beautiful spot to force myself to confront what is going on inside of me. I knew it would be difficult. It is a chance that very few people get after the loss of a loved one; to get in touch with their raw emotions and consider what shape their lives will take moving forward in this new foreign world. I want to find my personal power, and stand on my own two feet again. I am fortunate to have the time, space, and resources for this opportunity- but the journey will not be a vacation.

I've poured my energy into taking action this last week. I visited the Homer Farmer's Market, I took a walk along the beach, I got a public library card, and have been practicing yoga in my cabin. They are all small things- but they have helped me overcome my inertia and solitude.

Homer is an incredibly beautiful town, and I look forward to stepping into my own potential as I explore it (and I also look forward to warmer weather!)

Sandhill Crane

Bishop's Beach

Treasure from the beach walk

Beautiful blue mussel shell

On the drive to town from the homestead

Ridiculous food prices 

Homer Farmer's Market

Home-cooked Halibut

Billy the wolf-dog (one of my favorite pups)

It's time to feed the dogs, and then I'm off to eat dinner and volunteer with Homer Hilltop Farm harvesting greens for the Saturday Farmer's Market.
Much love,
xoxo
Haley